Victory

This morning, I was trying my best… but sadly, it was not enough. 

Massive depression meltdown. 

Held up only by Himself, I made it through. I sank deep and had to kick up again in order to see daylight. But I did it. And am so very thankful for my family supporting me through it all.

Now, I’ve got myself moving. Not overdoing it, but I’m writing this from the gym. On my own (well, with a friendly trainer lady and a couple of other busy bodies). And I’m battling this time for positive adrenaline. 

Cycling for miles in a safe environment, watching Bettany Hughes on my phone screen. ‘Divine Women’, a documentary about the Goddess. 

I may not be quite a Wonder Woman, but I’m doing my best. This is more than I thought I’d accomplish today, by a long way. 

So I play on these fitness toys while listening to ancient tales of mighty women. 

This one’s for Nike – not the sporting goods manufacturer, but the Goddess of Victory.

Advertisements

Hail, Nike…

I’ve heard of sweating your prayers. I ran my meditation today.

As some of you may know, I’ve started running again. As in, jogging around the park (or up and down the road) every other morning. This is for several reasons, but mostly fitness and energy – wanting to be healthier and happier. And slimmer, of course.

I used to run, years ago. I was training to join the Police. I found a trainer at my gym (I lived in London, it’s kind of expected) and asked for her advice. The next week, we were running up and down the Thames bank.

This beautiful, tiny lady, one of the strongest women I’ve ever known, trained the riot police for Surrey Constabulary, and dressed up as Lara Croft at office parties. She was astounding – pushing me hard but sympathetic to my relative lack of ability, and generous with advice, time and humour.

I began to run in the parks near my home, confusing the heck out of squirrels, ducks and the occasional dog. Then (due to local criminals) a treadmill was obtained and I discovered the joy of trance music, literally running/dancing to the deep, pounding beat.

An injury knocked me out of things for a while, and then motivation/depression. But now I’m determined again, inspired by other strong women I see, who simply start one day and keep on, regardless of their current fitness, how they feel or how they might look.

Every step on the wet grass today is an accomplishment; my thoughts becoming clearer, more focused. Worries slip away, replaced by sheer gladness in doing. The wind pushes me forward, and the blossom coats my hair as I pass.

I get home hot, sweaty, panting and pink. But happy.

I heard the voice of my trainer this morning, as I hit an uphill slant. “OK, enough walking – come on!”

And so I do.

*BTW, the title of this post does NOT refer to any manufacturer of sports goods you might have heard of. Before that, there was the Goddess, Nike

Morning Magic

Some days are hard to begin. There seems so much to do, not enough time (or money, or energy) and I’m struggling before I start. Motivation can be tricky to pin down, and worries take over.

Lately, however, there have been small glimmers of brightness to dispel those clouds. Some news from a distant friend, a small joke or happy comment on my social media – or watching the dogs explore the garden first thing, surprising birds and exploring just for the love of it.

I’ve been intentionally not letting the weight inside drag me down. I make time to stop in the morning – when preparing coffee, perhaps, even just holding the cup and appreciating it, before looking outside, seeing what there is to see without judgment.

We need our morning rituals (not routines!) to prepare us for the day. Am I using magic to change my circumstances – altering consciousness at will – or is it simply adjusting my perception to cut through that lurking fog?

There’s always a lot going on in this busy world, and so much of it is good, inspiring, uplifting. Little things that remind us why the day ahead is full of potential, even adventure. It’s up to us to notice and respond, allowing that to fuel us – and inspire others in turn.

It’s time for a run before I start work. Sweaty, smelly and painful… or zooming around the park, confusing the wildlife? I’ll leave the house with a smile now… 🙂