Re-Beginning

It’s been a while. Illness mostly, but this meant a certain anxiety about exposure, wanting to snuggle in and hide instead of expose myself… but this page was intended to be small. Daily sharing of things that inspire me, to remind me and keep me moving, while hopefully sharing that energy with others as well.

Plus, any writing is good for momentum in creating More Writing 😉

I’ve been finding mornings very difficult lately. I used to be up and doing, loving that fresh feeling of the air before the day truly begins. But the thought of all the things the day might hold has been scary recently. Overwhelming. More than I can cope with, physically and mentally.

So today I’m taking it gently. What am I doing… right now.

I have a pup cosily asleep on my leg.

I’m writing.

I’ve been knitting a madly-coloured cosy thing with beautiful yarn, that makes me smile and feels good to touch.

The rain is beating down against the window.

These thoughts can inspire grins or worries. I have to take the dogs out in the rain soon – I’m letting the thought bring a smile, anticipating the rain washing my hair naturally and bringing the scent of damp grass. I could let it bother me, whinge and moan… but I can’t avoid it, so I choose to welcome it, as the dogs will.

Writing has been daunting. What can I say? How will people react? I’m not clear enough in my mind to put ideas ‘out there’… But this is my space, and I’m doing it anyway.

Even the knitting – in a crazy mixed-up bunch of colours that I really shouldn’t like. But I do. It makes me happy, in the act of creation and the result.

I’m doing my best to dig deeper than the surface miasma, the fog of depression. I want to see, to determine that Yes, I’m doing something because *I* want to. And I can. And it will be whatever it is.

I’m looking at the potential of the day, not the fears. Heading outside soon. Let’s see what comes.

Much love, my friends.

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I Wish…

An up and down week so far. Today seemed to carry only bad news. I retreated for a while, my mind just wishing for something good to come, be it happier news or a way to make things better.

And then this appeared:

‘The implicit risk in self-expression is tangibly present. The unspoken fear, at least among the adults, seems to be: If I give myself so fully to something I love, will I end up like that street-corner poet I passed while looking for a parking space?’

‘One of the biggest dangers of giving in to art is that our values might change – or return to an earlier, simpler form…. Maybe we’ll learn something about ourselves that we didn’t particularly want to know. Or maybe people will laugh at us.’

‘And yet, those who indulge their talents so lavishly attract us all… We’re drawn to the energy produced by talent, by concentration, by hard work in the face of uncompromising odds.’

‘Intelligence isn’t having all the answers. Intelligence is the capacity to learn what you don’t know.’

‘Life is too short to stand outside the window… saying I wish I could do that.’
(From ‘Zen & the Art of Knitting’, by Bernadette Murphy)

We make our own path as we walk it. We have to move, to take those steps, to dare, to explore, to be brave and curious, mad and unexpected. To battle on – because even if times are hard now, giving up can be the worst solution. We learn from working through, from keeping going, even when it hurts.

Onwards.