This week has been difficult. I have written nothing, because I don’t want to remember the thoughts I’ve been having. But they were real.
Last week, Himself convinced me to buy a notebook. No big deal, I have many.
But this one is different.
This notebook is blank. Unlined. Bare pages. All waiting to be marked.
This book represents such a huge fear. Of making my mark and being wrong. Of mess, of failure, of ruining something that could have been more.
This is nonsense, of course. But like those awful thoughts that I’d rather forget, still real.
I want to mark these pages. I want to write, to draw, to sketch and scribble, with no judgement. I want those voices of illness to be drowned out by what I AM doing, rather than what I’m afraid to do.
My marks may be good or bad, but they will be mine. And true.
Battling onward. Still here.
I’ve met a few dogs (and their owners) in recent days, and the same comment has come up each time.
Dogs cannot fake it. They are intrinsically truthful (even when trying to be sneaky). If they love you, they show it.
Today, I learned one of their lessons all over again. It was a day of Enforced Rest, after
overdoing it working too hard lately.
Sometimes, you just have to stop. And as you live (work and play) with full focus, so it can be good to rest in the same way.
Until you’re ready to face the hard business of chasing, walks and playing again tomorrow.
Last week, someone remarked to me that he wasn’t ‘a dog person’. Fair enough, I said. He was curious as to why I was, what made me allow these mad creatures into my home and life?
The love of a dog is unconditional. I know, this is true for other animal friends as well, but for my canine companions it seems particularly accurate.
No matter what you do, they will always love you. The total joy when you come home after a trip to the shops, or even when you wake up in the morning. Licks of thanks after providing treats or food. Playing together…!
From the first moment when the tiny ball of fur comes home with you, as they find their way into a new life so they find their way into your heart. The wisdom in their gaze sometimes gives much-needed perspective, but the constant companionship is a true gift to be treasured.
Not all friends (or family members) are human-shaped. And they’ll leave paw-prints everywhere, of course, just to make sure you remember.