Restart

Today. Temperatures in the minus, Himself on night shifts so I’m not sure what day it is, only that it’s daytime… but things are moving. Restarting life after too long a pause, it feels like. But I have my touchstone of my homeland to keep me grounded.

Every day, without fail, I must walk the dogs. Gearing up to it can feel like a chore, but once we’re outside, their joy buoys me up as we explore what’s changed on the hill since we were last out.

Last night, we had flurries of snow. Today, thick fog. Not cloying, but like a gentle blanket draped across us. Everything is tipped with white from the frost. A spiderweb on a postbox is jewel-like. My neighbour has already placed bread out for the sparrows and blackbirds.

No matter what chaos is going on in the world, my hilltop is my home. Always discovering more about it, feeling with all my senses (including mud up past my ankles on occasion!), and now ready to face the day.

Restarting this blog is the first step in Doing. Moving forward xx

misty-fields

The Journey

Yesterday and today I’ve been away from home, ensconced in a lovely manor house with a group of friendly Pagans, learning about Chaplaincy. Much laughter but also seriousness, shared intention and determination.

Coming home this evening I felt empowered, as if another level had been reached through the unity of our work and perspective. I wanted to drive for miles to explore, or to go for a run when back… To Do Something, to hold on to that energy!

Of course, that wasn’t to be. I set my course and returned safely, to a quiet house with just a sleeping kitten and myself, pondering the adventure.

We set the foundation, charge our energy and prepare our focus. When the time is right, we will be ready to move – but not just yet. Enthusiasm isn’t fuel enough, not quite! 

We’re still in winter. Finding inspiration in the dark, the peace, the planning and story weaving. 

The journey has begun. But first gear has to be the starting point; or the prologue before the action. 

I will do my best to hold on to that laughter and determination, moving forward.

Stars

A day of ups and downs. Magic, work and inspiration, as well as sharp bumps and some overwhelm…

I stepped out this evening, into the crisp night air, and felt the wind on my skin. I looked up at the stars, heard the trees whispering. The rain has finally stopped, the clouds gone.

I stand, and breathe. As I tell others to do so often. The simplest of acts – to simply step outside. Remember where you are, feel it, look with all of your senses.

The year is beginning to unfold. I am listening for what is to be heard.

I stand in my power. The peace of the winter night is welcome.

Between Wild and Tame

Blue skies this morning – rare in what has been a very wet winter so far. So the pups and I ventured out into the hilltop mists.

Nobody else around. A very boggy park, but safe enough to chase around for Fen and Rags, as the sun burned briefly through the fog that surrounded us. The route to the nearby fields was still impassable, alas; this was our own little space between Civilization and the Otherworld… I look forward to bridging that gap again come Spring. 

   
 

Surviving

This morning, I awoke in the throes of a panic attack. And it was HUGE. A whirlpool of chaos, sucking me down with constant thoughts of distress, failure, pain, hurt… And ultimately, the solid fact that You Cannot Do It.

Somehow, I managed to grab on to a lifeline in my mind (and a pillow in reality). Somehow I stepped out of that barrage of awfulness, managing to see it from the outside: a black hole of destruction, from which nothing good can emerge. But that wasn’t me.

I remembered who I was. I remembered how to breathe. I got up, found coffee. Showered, prepared for work.

I am now home, from a fast-paced, full day. Hectic and demanding, at top speed… But I did it. I Could, and Did. 

Someone spoke to me today of battling his own demons. Sharing made the tension fall away from his shoulders; as the session went on, his smile grew, until silly jokes were being shared instead. ‘I feel so much better for coming here.’

Battling for what is owed, for those I care for. ‘Go kick arse, Cat!’ Because they know I will.

Such words are worth more than gold. If the panic had won, I would not have heard them, because they may not have even been spoken. 

I survived today, and the demons did not win. Not just me, but those I touched with words, smiles… and a little Force Lightning.

😉

Labels

I’m often asked about being ‘A Druid’.  What’s it like? What do I do? What does it mean?

I know that keywords are necessary to life, helping us communicate and so understand the wider connotations of the word itself. But sometimes, those names become constricting, almost like a trap. If you don’t conform to The Label, then you’re Doing it Wrong… You’re not a Real Druid/Witch/Pagan/etc.

I love my spiritual practice, in its broadness, scope for exploration and curiosity – the bits of it that aren’t clear-cut and neatly defined. I’m finding it so lately, as I step further along, into those areas off the map that might as well be labelled ‘Here Be Dragons’. Our own paths lead us where we need to go, not where others tell us.

And this morning, a paragraph from a random book I found summed this up so beautifully:

‘You are not your religion. You are not your skin color. You are not your gender, your politics, your career, or your marital status. You are none of the superficial things that this world deems important… Whatever you proclaim as your identity here in the material realm is also your drag.’

We are all of those labels, but we can take them off, or change them around, make them mean what we need them to be, learn from them. We are ourselves, unique and powerful. We just forget this from time to time, overwhelmed by the noise around… Until such subtle reminders appear to tap us on the shoulder (again). Often in the most surprising places.

These words are spoken by that great modern social commentator and philosopher, Ru Paul. The self-proclaimed World’s Most Famous Drag Queen. Who refuses to let him/herself be defined…

New Year. New meanings of words to explore – as we define both them and ourselves.

I pick up this blog once again, to share my daily inspiration. Wherever that may be found!

Connection

Today, after a long drought, I write again. This most solitary of activities, and yet so intrinsically linked to the things that inspire me – that make me want to write about them, and which kick me into actually doing so.

Today, I am fuelled and encouraged by the voices of friends, silly and profound, but which I see, hear and feel across the miles, through the screen and even within their own pages.

I battle through some pretty difficult physical and mental challenges, knowing that I’m not alone. Humbled and still wanting to move forward, for myself and those who cheerlead me efforts.

The trick is balancing the ‘me’ time with this connection, which isn’t always easy, but when achieved – when you’re not pulled in one direction or another, but simply stand your ground… magic can be made.

What are you doing, what are you creating, who are you inspiring? Pause, realize and smile.

Thank you, friends. Today’s words are for you. x