The Catbox

I’ve had a lot of new followers lately – so I thought I’d better let you know that the majority of my blogging thoughts go on over here, at The Catbox (because it’s where I keep all of my… erm… randomness!).

I’ve just posted my latest, which was inspired by the sheer amount of wonderful creativity that I’m seeing from individuals right now. So I’ve added my own, while encouraging others (hopefully) and trying to inspire in turn.

This little page is to keep myself reminded daily, of what’s Worth It. What keeps me going. Deeper thoughts go on in other places, but sometimes the little snips here do their thing by being shared as well.

Much love, and welcome to all the newcomers! xx

Advertisements

Caring

Today… so tired. Recovering from the past couple of days, perhaps.

What has kept me going is the love that has been sent to me. Seeing how people care. Friends I know well, those I only know via the Interwebs – their honest caring has been a lifeline to me.

Friends who send patterns for creative prettiness.

Those who send their own books, for amusement and distraction.

Himself, caring so deeply even when he is struggling.

Those who share words, pictures of furry family, funny madness and randoms to raise a smile.

I am so touched that people care. Especially when my illness is trying to convince me that I’m worthless.

You all put the lie to this, shining truth by reaching out. Never doubt the worth of your words, even when your own brain weasels start to bite.

Thankyou so much, dear friends. Your love and care is a gift beyond price.

Also, the expressions of your cats as many of you took their picture was its own peculiar gift 😂

xx

Colour

Today… I’ve mostly been battling. Anxiety, then panic, not helped by a rude (patronising) repairman who came to service some kitchen electrics.

Lately, panic has been my brain telling me that I have to do everything at once. All the jobs I have, why aren’t I doing them? And then the fear that if I try, I’ll mess them up… so I sometimes end up stuck, unable to move, unable to see straight, physically shaking.

Distraction is key when the ‘brain weasels’ try to take over. Books, movies, computer games… whatever works.

Yarn is tremendously helpful to me at such times. Knitting and crochet are tactile and engage the brain in a focused way. Simple patterns are sometimes the best (again, for fear of going wrong), although lace sometimes demands my attention to the exclusion of all else.

Today, I’m working on a relatively simple, ongoing project: Knit It Like You Stole It. Using beautiful CountessAblaze fingering wool, each stitch slips through my fingers, while the finished section sits warmly in my lap.

While black is always my go-to clothing preference, colours have proved themselves tremendously helpful to my mood in recent years. The vividness of this wool is soothing and inspiring; when I wear it, I find it calming. My shawls really are portable hugs.

Keeping me grounded today, when any little thing can send me spinning. I’m grateful for this, very much.

Healing creativity.

Love Is…

Realized I forgot to post yesterday. This is due to Being Knackered after Saturday’s travelling and speaking adventures!

Today, I’m still so tired. Someone once questioned this, saying ‘You’re just standing there and talking, what’s tiring about that?’ I asked if they’d ever done it. They looked shocked, and replied (in a disgusted tone, as if I was stupid to even ask), ‘No!’

I often wonder what people see when they see me Doing My Thing. Does it look easy? If so, it didn’t always. Those who remember the early days can confirm this.

But honestly, I don’t know how I could not do this now.

I received a quiet message today, asking about a Handfasting. I’d love to help. Plans are being put together. All is good.

It’s for a poly (ie polyamorous) relationship.

I’ve had so many people nervously approach and ask if I mind performing their ceremony, given that it’s ‘a bit unusual.’ From relationship styles to locations, I’ve heard many ‘strange’ requests.

But they’re not strange, not really. They’re true for those involved. The ritual that they’re crafting must be honest, or why bother? It must reflect their relationship, what they love about each other. I’ve yet to have a ceremony without humour, for example, and that’d be quite shocking to some, no doubt!

Yes, I have performed poly Handfastings. Also all male, all female, and my first trans ceremony is being organised now.

Love is love. I hold the space for that. I help, however I can. I encourage, laugh along, listen to grievances and assist with problems where possible. I Priest.

The only time I Judge is when the relationship seems troubled – I cannot, in good conscience, wed those who are not ready (although one day, they may be).

I go away, consider, work and then step up to do my job. It may look easy, but under the robe, there’s feet stepping carefully so as to not fall, and inside my heart is the fervent prayer to do right in the moment.

I’m always honoured to do What I Do, and I will continue. Gladly. Inspiring and inspired.

And with a reserved rest day afterwards.

Blessings

Today, I was giving a talk at The Enchanted Market in Bracknell. My first talk of the year – and I was excited but also VERY nervous.

Fortunately, Himself was able to accompany me (and we were allowed to record the talk, so that’ll be going up on my YouTube channel soon).

As soon as I arrived, I was met with a warm welcome… and people just kept appearing with smiles and hugs!

I love meeting folks that I otherwise only see online. Nothing compares to Real World hugs and chat.

The talk room was almost full, and everyone seemed so happy.

And… I’m now home, and feeling so very blessed.

Today, I made £0.00. I was kindly given money for petrol; otherwise nothing.

But I received amazing gifts from people.

Hugs. Smiles. Kind words. Handmade gifts. Seeing my knitted creations worn by others. Hearing their stories. Faces lighting up…

I’m tired but so happy that I can do what I do. This is where the community support goes – and that support takes many wonderful forms. (Including kind words in the comments for this blog!)

Thankyou, dear friends. So much thanks.

BTW, I meant to take photos today, but was too busy. So here’s my travel knitting. 😂 Yarn by GamerCrafting.

Winning

Sometimes – more often than not, in fact – the inspirations and hope of the day come from the smallest things.

Today, my morning was spent in a bad panic. Shaking, mostly, but otherwise unable to move without having to talk myself into it.

However, I’d acquired a checkup appointment with the local physiotherapist to give me a once-over, and I knew I needed to go.

(I have a long-term back condition, caused by typing too much, too fast, back in my PA days. I deal with it.)

With help from Himself, we made it down to the surgery. And as I told the lovely lady what I’ve been up to, she was so pleased!

By going to the gym, walking the dogs, even knitting, I was doing my best to help my body – and in healing it, keeping it flexible and motivating myself, I would help my mind. Which would then make me keener to do the exercise, attempt things and keep that positive cycle moving…

I felt like crying. Happy crying.

When you’re in a bad place mentally, all you want to do on some days is hide. Or apologise for anything. You’re a pain and hassle to everyone and should just go away.

But this lady heard me, properly hearing what I said, and reassured me that trying my best was doing the right thing. Because my attempts came from sound foundations, experience and knowledge of what I needed to do. Small steps lead to big ones.

Sometimes that reassurance is the greatest gift. You won’t hear yourself, but truths told by trusted outsiders can hit home.

Feeling like I CAN do it.

Also nice to know that I am doing the best for myself in physical healing terms.

Battling on. Buoyed up by such support. Gym later, and I’m looking forward to it 😊