The Quiet Voice

So… in response to social media asking what’s on my mind. Here we go. A difficult truth.

My illness means that there’s a constant background hum in my head. A voice (or voices), on repeat, telling me You Can’t Do It. You can’t go on, there’s no point, just stop, you’re the worst, nobody cares.

Sometimes that noise becomes loud, overwhelming. Physical action (hiding, or at least getting to a place of safety) is necessary.

Right now, it’s telling me that nobody wants to see this. It’s not helpful, it’s just whingeing. Oh great, she’s off again. And that famous old retort known to depressed folk everywhere: Just Wanting Attention.

No.

This is how my mental illness manifests. People have asked, and some don’t believe it, but it’s true, and very real for me.

But…

If I’m able to cut through the noise, to listen carefully, there’s also a quiet but determined counter-voice. It just says ‘You Can. Keep going.’

It doesn’t always win. But I’m so glad that it’s still there.

My inner self hasn’t given up on me.

Still here.

4 thoughts on “The Quiet Voice

  1. What you do inspires people who have the same struggles.
    It also informs and inspires people who don’t face the same struggles, but helps them to understand those who do.
    What you do is important, and makes a difference, it helps.
    Sometimes it may only help you, but that’s ok, because you’re the one who needs helping at that point.
    Do what you can, don’t worry about what you can’t, you’re never alone, and those who can carry you along will.
    And so you can keep helping those who need help, inspiring those who can to help others, and keeping your head above water along the way.
    It’s the war of the tribe

    Wunjo!

  2. I love reading your words, even written in some of your dark days your comments have brought me comfort and inspiration. Thanks for taking the time to share your journey with some of your fellow travellers on the long and winding road. Best wishes

  3. I find things easier when I honour that flight urge – I don’t know about you but I seem to have missed the ‘or fight’ bit! Physically getting out of spaces I don’t feel i can cope with. The hard thing has been having conversations with people ahead of needing to do it so I have options. But, I had a panic attack in a meeting a few weeks ago. The person who knew the score and had undertaken to be my ally checked with me as I bailed out and explained what had happened to everyone else so that i didn’t have to deal with anything. There was no fallout. I can do more if i can also run away when i need to.

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