[Insert Title Here]

This week has been difficult. I have written nothing, because I don’t want to remember the thoughts I’ve been having. But they were real.

Last week, Himself convinced me to buy a notebook. No big deal, I have many.

But this one is different.

This notebook is blank. Unlined. Bare pages. All waiting to be marked.

This book represents such a huge fear. Of making my mark and being wrong. Of mess, of failure, of ruining something that could have been more.

This is nonsense, of course. But like those awful thoughts that I’d rather forget, still real.

I want to mark these pages. I want to write, to draw, to sketch and scribble, with no judgement. I want those voices of illness to be drowned out by what I AM doing, rather than what I’m afraid to do.

My marks may be good or bad, but they will be mine. And true.

Battling onward. Still here.

3 thoughts on “[Insert Title Here]

  1. This is partly why I’ve started doing the artists way, which involves writing three pages in the morning, a stream of consciousness with no rules other than you show up to the page and start writing and don’t stop until you’ve filled three. They aren’t meant to be read back or read by anyone else. I’ve seen that some even get rid of their pages when they are done. It’s just to write. I’m only on my third day and it’s an interesting exercise that resonates throughout the rest of my day.

  2. But…nothing that you write is “wrong”. What you write is what it is. Its a moment in time, written on a page. Good stuff, bad stuff – its all a part of who you are. FW, I have the exact same fears and demons whispering in my ear – “you can’t write a book”, “no one will read it” – “no publisher will want it”. I just remember that EVERY story has value. Its not about money or fame. Its about making a copy for those that follow, so they can see where my struggles are similar to theirs, and what the successes looked like. Be true to who you are, and what you write. Trust me, what you write is worth it. –T-cat #2

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