Small Steps

Hard times. But I am moving.

Today, I have a cold. Sneezing, coughing, battling to keep warm (or cool), headachey… brain too furry to do much. Plans put by the wayside as I return to bed.

But something shifts in me, as I sit and think. 

In recent times, my head has been almost suffocated by the thick fog of negative thoughts. But with recent medication changes, I’m starting to see clarity again. The fog is thinning. My lovely doctor is thrilled that my natural smile is returning.

I’m finding myself again. I walk around this house, where I’ve lived for ten years now. My home, with my wee family. Full of the stuff of our lives: physical things holding unique memories, but also games played on the stairs with kittens, pups rolling around on the rug, hugs and laughter in every room…

When that black fog (dog?) rolls in, my tactics are now taking effect. I light a candle for focus and brightness. I burn sweet incense to remind me of magic and ritual. I walk barefoot across the wooden floors, wrap myself in blankets I knitted, immerse myself in stories that engage…

I write random thoughts to share, for those who may feel as I do. To prove that I can still express myself, create, speak up – that my mind is my own. This is me. I’m still moving. It is possible.

The cold germs force rest. With every sneeze, badness is spat out and my head clears (briefly!). I trust that my body does its thing and evicts the toxic, as I am trying to do with the unhelpful thoughts. 

I reach out with my words… magic from the tips of my fingers, to reach you.

And I smile as I imagine you reading. 

Much love, my friends.

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3 thoughts on “Small Steps

  1. Get better love. Today I took the wrong pills from my med box orgnizer and it’s 3:30 a.m. to me. I can’t do much of anything…a zllion typos! Take care of yourself and REST. I have little choice!

  2. Home is the heart, the memories, the pets, the home-made stuff and the little things that keep us going day to day. Our safe space to rest and express ourselves
    .

  3. Thanks for sharing, all is good with me at the minute but sometimes I get lost in the fog, or meet the black dog, sometimes even meet the dog in the fog. What helped me enormously was knowing that I wasn’t alone feeling that way, and that was in no small part down to people like you having the courage to share their journey with us. When the fog descends I remind myself that it will eventually lift and then the sun comes out again.

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